Another EC story
by Catherine Morland
Summary: A parody, making fun of all the EC stories out there. (I know, I really shouldn't talk) It's amusing though!
1. Of Eriks and Eunuchs

There seems to be no end to the number of insane humor phics my mind can think up. Enjoy!  
  
Summery: This is just a parody, but it makes fun of all the gazillions of E/C phics out there. Ya know, where Raoul is abusive/drunk/insane/other and Christine realizes that she loves Erik, always has, and always will, and leaves. And she gets sick swimming across the lake, and he nurses her back to health, but she gets delusional, and while she is delusional, she tells Erik that she loves him, but he doesn't believe it, cause she's delusional, and gasps for breath when she finally revives, he realizes that she does love him, and she realizes that he still loves her, and they live happily ever after. Warm fuzzies. Was that a run-on sentence or what? I know. I really shouldn't talk. I write those (and read those) as much as the next person. But...here's a change from the **cough** normal.  
  
Disclaimer: I only own all the torments with which my mind has thought up to terrorize the fop. I hope you like them. :)  
  
"Raoul!" Christine wailed, "What are you talking about?"

"Well...I'm sorry to have to tell you only 3 hours before the wedding, but, see," here he shifted nervously, "There was this predicament...when I was young."

"Yes?"

"Well, see, the church liked my young girlish singing voice, so...well..." he shrugged.

"Are you telling me that you are a eunuch?" Christine shrieked.

"Well, I wouldn't put it that bluntly, but..."

"Raoul." Christine looked at him.

"I just realized." She laughed. "I can't marry you Raoul! I'm in love with Erik! I always have been, and I always will be."

She edged away from him.

"So, if you excuse me, I will um...RUN!" she shrieked, tripping over her petticoats as she tried to get away from him.

He looked sadly after her.

"Why me?" he yelled at the sky.

A bird pooped in his open mouth.

Christine arrived, wet and miserable at the edge of the lake. She had had to run all the way to the Opera in the pouring rain. Now all she had to do was wait for Erik to come and rescue her.

3 hours later, still wet, cold, and miserable, she finally realized that the boat was on her side of the lake. Just her luck.

Nadir had probably left it over here, and she didn't know how to row.

Weighing her chances, she finally decided to swim.

After nearly drowning, Christine safely reached the other side of the lake, shaking the water off her hair. She peeked inside the house.

Erik was lying on the couch.

Rushing in, she shook him. "

Erik! Erik, wake up! No, Erik, you can't be dead!" she wailed, "You can't be dead! You need to be alive! You need to marry me, because I love you! I don't love Raoul! He's just a friend! I have the same kind of love for him I might have for a brother! Besides, he a eunuch for crying out loud! And a fop! I can't handle it if you're dead!! ER-IIIK!"

She fell forward onto his chest, sobbing.

"My dear," Erik said, looking down, "First off, you weigh a ton. Will you kindly get off? Second, I do believe you are over-reacting. I was merely asleep. Third...Raoul's a eunuch?" He smiled delightedly.

Christine rolled off him, falling onto the floor with a 'ooph'.

Erik stood up.

"Erik!" Christine lunged forward, "You're alive!" she hugged him.

Erik looked down at the girl hanging onto him like a leech.

Shaking her off, he suddenly realized that her dress was white, wet, and extremely see- through.

He cleared his throat. "I do believe you had better change, my dear." He said, gesturing to the dress, "Then we will figure out what to do with you."

Christine grudgingly let go of him and went to change her clothes.


	2. Christine's Knight

Another E/C story Chapter Two By Catherine Morland  
  
Raoul hastily entered the Opera, tripping on the steps.

'Striding forth valiantly,' he thought, 'A knight in shining armor gone to save the damsel in distress.'

"Raoul!" Turning his head to see who it was, he promptly walked into a pillar.

Holding his bleeding nose, he realized that it was...no one. Turning his head, he looked throughout the hallway he was in. There was nobody there. He scratched his head.

"Am I going mad?" he asked aloud.

The pillar he had run into laughed. "Going?" it asked.

Raoul stood shakily. "Mr. Crinklebee?" he asked, "Is that you?" It was not, as he suspected, his imaginary friend, Mr. Crinklebee.

He knocked softly on the pillar. It sounded like an ordinary pillar.

He eyed it suspiciously. It looked like an ordinary pillar.

"If it looks like a pillar, sounds like a pillar, and smells (here he stopped to sniff the pillar) like a pillar, than it must be a pillar!" he chanted.

Continuing on his way, he descended to a lower level.

He walked down the corridor, and suddenly felt himself falling.

He had walked into an open trapdoor. Rubbing his head, he glared above him. The trapdoor was closed. He couldn't even see the hole through which he had fallen. Raoul was surrounded by darkness.

He could hear steady dripping off in the distance. Holding his breath and tiptoeing (which only succeeded in him tripping, falling on his rear, and having the wind knocked out of him), he continued on his way.

Seeing as he was making a lot of noise, tripping over his own feet, he decided to crawl, on hands and knees.

His suit was soon stained, but he continued on his way. He didn't even noticed when he wasn't crawling on dirt anymore...he was crawling on wood.

Not realizing he was on the dock, he immediately fell off, into the frigid water.

Shivering, he swam back to shore, rocking back and forth, and moaning pitifully. He had had enough. He was hungry, wet, dirty, tired, and cold. And his imaginary friend had left him.

"Christine!" he called out, "Christine, where are you?"

Finally, he fainted. Erik and Christine, who had been waiting in the shadows, giggling at him, got him in the boat (which Raoul had stupidly not noticed was on his side of the lake) and got to the other side.

They both stared at him distastefully, lying on the bank.

"We should get him into dry clothes," Christine said, still glaring.

"We should." Erik replied, "but I'm not in much hurry to confirm the fact that he's a eunuch."

He turned to her, "How about we just leave him here until we know what to do, all right?"

"Agreed." Said Christine.

Please R & R!!! I love to hear people's opinions!!

'You must review with enthusiasm to satisfy an author's insatiable vanity'


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